Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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