That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
