Christians are straight up FREAKS
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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