She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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