you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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