guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
