North Korea, Best Korea!
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
