You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
