If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
