i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My vagina is very pro this idea
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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