So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
