I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
