I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
