So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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