If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
