I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
