i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
