I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
