I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
