I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
