Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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