I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just found puke in my bra..
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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