I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
did i just pee glitter
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
