i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
