I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Randomize
