The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize