he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize