So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
