is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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