she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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