But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
