I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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