He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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