girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize