we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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