my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
