You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
