remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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