I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
