i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
