i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
she looked like the before picture.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
