i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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