Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
