who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
