But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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