So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
