u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
