I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
