Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
