Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My balls are so social today.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
