More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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