Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
