We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
