girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i drank out of a bidet.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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