Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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