I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
