The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
