My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It's blow job season.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize