she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize