I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
