I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
