I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
