i think my tv is drunk
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
