Don't make out with my wife yet
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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