the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
