And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
